discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz

DISCOVER HOW SMART, Potent & SUCCESSFUL WOMEN (THAT'S Yous!) CAN FINALLY Find Your Human

DISCOVER HOW

SMART WOMEN Like You lot CAN

FINALLY Find Your Man

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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz

How-do-you-do Evan,

I have been struggling with the fact I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me more than I've ever felt loved, but I'm just non satisfied somehow. Nosotros have known ane another for about ten years dating on and off, taking a 4-year break at one point. He is VERY persistent and continues to accept me back into his life if I permit him. We are uniform on many levels, only in that location is one thing that continues to plow me off (from 10 years ago to now), and that is his lack of ambition to be successful professionally. I wouldn't be picky about his career field of selection, but at the charge per unit, it's going, I'll never see him in a 6 o'clock loosened tie… which is a huge turn-on for me.

I'k very much that immature professional go-getter with a high-stress job, always moving to the side by side promotion. I'grand busy all the time professionally and personally considering I thrive on feeling accomplished. He, on the other paw, is satisfied with bringing home an okay paycheck to put food on his table, not that concerned with finishing higher (he'southward 31), and rarely has annihilation interesting to talk near exterior of "us," movies, and other media outlet driven conversation. A full day of freedom in my life does not revolve around TV, xc% of his would.

I can't allow go of wishing he were a stronger, more artistic, more than successful human being who I could look to for experienced life advice. I'm very contained, but I'd likewise like to get some reassurance and empathy from a reliable source from time to time. I know that's harsh. I would never say those things to him, but it's how I feel. I find the sexiest affair about a man is his intelligence, and no matter if a person is well-read or not, a great deal of intelligence comes from professional life experience. Please tell me I'm existence likewise hard on him and myself.   I should exist happy to have a man who loves me and whom I tin trust.

Thank you,

CJ

Thank you, CJ, for writing one of the most cocky-aware letters I've run. I think anybody here can feel your hurting. Love is just easy when nosotros're then whipped that nosotros can't even think clearly. In such circumstances, there are no decisions to be made fifty-fifty if your young man has no appetite. But information technology sounds like you lot're seeing things quite conspicuously. Which means the world is grey, not black and white.

Love is only easy when we're so whipped that we tin't even think conspicuously.

So before I become into talking near your young man, let'due south talk about you.

Yous're not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious in life.

You lot're not snobby for finding an intelligent, sexy young man.

You're not shallow for craving conversation that doesn't revolve around pop culture.

And you're not wrong for wishing your boyfriend were stronger, more creative, and more experienced professionally.

The questions that linger for me are these….

i) Are compatibility and kindness more of import in your human relationship than worldliness and appetite?
2) Is it realistic to think that you lot can find a worldly, professional man who is as kind and compatible every bit your electric current young man?

This is the calculus of dating. And the aforementioned answers don't apply to both successful men and men with no ambition . This is why giving advice on such private matters is somewhere between impossible and pointless.

But that doesn't hateful I can't try.

Someone told me recently that women expect men to fulfill ALL of their needs in a relationship, which sets them up for failure. They desire men to fulfill the function of their best girlfriend and their rock-solid Marlboro Man simultaneously. Equally I said in the " Men Don't Become Both Ways " chapter of "Why You're Still Single," these are different men, and you'll always be disappointed if you expect a man to cover all bases in your relationship. Strangely, this is one area in which I retrieve men "get it" more. Nosotros can compartmentalize, which is why we'd rather watch football with only the guys, while y'all'd like usa to come up shoe shopping with y'all.

The point is, it'south a failing proposition to expect one man to exist all things to you lot. Thus, yous have to make difficult choices with each other. What's most important to you — does lack of ambition really matter in your relationship? And what things can yous Not get from anyone BUT your fellow?

I've wrestled with that myself because, like you lot, I get a ascension out of ambition, philosophy, and creativity. Who doesn't? Merely I tin can talk to my business motorcoach virtually my business concern, I can talk to my best guy friend about philosophy, and I tin experience my own creativity and others' creativity in 1000 other forms. But I can't brand dearest to my business organization motorbus. I can't wake upwards next to my best guy friend. And with all the art and civilization out in the world, I don't need my spouse to exist a creator as much as an appreciator.

I become the joy of sophistication. It'southward fun to experience like the witty, urbane couple that can break bread with the prime number minister if need be. Simply know that apart from the spark you experience effectually a sophisticate, it doesn't have much inherent value. The ability to quote Proust pales in comparing with the person who volition drive y'all to your chemo treatments in thirty years.

The ability to quote Proust pales in comparison with the person who will drive you lot to your chemo treatments in thirty years.

And so, back to the original question: are compatibility and kindness more important than worldliness and ambition? Well, if information technology were either kindness OR worldliness, I'd say yeah. Only at that place are ambitious people who are kind likewise. And information technology would be like shooting fish in a barrel to tell you lot to dump your boyfriend and seek one of these guys out. The thing is that about good qualities ofttimes come with bad qualities besides. The ambitious guy may piece of work lxx hours a week. The sophisticated guy may be a know-it-all and a snob. You lot just don't know until yous put yourself out there. There's a pretty big run a risk in doing and then.

Fifty-fifty if your boyfriend has no ambition, I will encourage you to look long and hard at what really matters in your human relationship, CJ, and how difficult it is to detect information technology. For years, I said that I wasn't jealous of any of my married friends because information technology'south not like they married MY wife. And I meant information technology — I never really met anyone with whom I was super-compatible. But now that I have someone with whom I'm super-compatible, my heed succumbs to the temptation — what if there'southward someone else? Someone younger. Someone more accomplished with life goals. And someone more well-read.

Is at that place someone like that out there? Maybe. But she wouldn't have the number ane quality that my wife has: she accepts me equally I am and loves me unconditionally. No other girlfriend I've ever had has washed that, which is why I'm keeping her and never letting her go.

I can't say what'south right for you, my friend. Intellectual stimulation matters. Money definitely matters. Merely if yous can get stimulation from other people and you tin make money yourself, why not country the i thing you can't get anywhere else — a partner for life?

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